| This is a letter from my mother to my aunt… 9/3/09 Lee, I’m printing out this e-mail I am sending you so that it can’t be altered from the original sent message. Just so you know that in advance. I am very upset by the remark your husband made about Enoch in front of Betsy and others at mom’s house for your children’s’ birthdays. Again, his remarks were uncalled for and ignorant. I too wonder why you didn’t say anything to him in front of everyone, like he does. I wasn’t there, but enough people told me the same story of what he called my son. I will never forget. I have tried to help you many times over and somehow you twisted it around or had help twisting it around, I don’t know. How you handle things is your business, that is true, but this time it IS my business even though my son does not need my help in this matter. He can certainly take care of himself, which he has been doing, by himself, for several years. In fact, Jasen, his partner, and I kept him from going to your house and ‘visiting’ your husband while you were at mom’s birthday party. You can pass this on to your husband from me: My son will hopefully attend every function my parents / family members has, other than you and your spouse (if you ever did that), even if I have to fly my son up here. I have many things to call your husband, but, I won’t put it in writing to be used against me, because if he could turn this into something other than an “I am disappointed in you for not taking up for your nephew, and I am disappointed in your husband, again, for being ignorant” message, he would. You lead a very sad and dishonorable life Laura. You should open up your eyes to the real world and the wonderful family that you have/had. I say had because you had me in your family and now I am removing myself. Cindy This is how I responded to my mother. Mom,
I appreciate you standing up for me and not tolerating Mark's horrendous comments about me. I really am saddened that you have exercised this route to show your support of me but I agree that something and someone needs to make a change for our family. I am sorry for the first time ever that I am gay. Its not something I've ever been embarrassed or ashamed of because its just how I am, it's not a choice or an option for me, its just there as part of me. I'm sorry because its not something that should ever be this big of a deal to anyone and it certainly shouldn't cause families to decide to split from each other, that is the opposite of what the majority of gay people want, myself included.
It's a long road to being accepted, let alone liked, and even longer to be loved by those we tell our "socially shamed secret" to.... I have always been very, very blessed to have the family that I do and I am very proud to have you, Dad, Adam, and Kevin, support me in who I am... but it sickens me that my homosexuality is suddenly being treated like a "something about Enoch" issue that you are forced to endure when it should never be that large of a deal.
It has never bothered me to be gay, ever. I don't have a harder life for it socially, people know or they don't and I could care less. I'm comfortable in my own skin and sexual orientation. I'm not mad at myself or upset with who I am over this but I am very sad that it has been a catalyst for something that everyone in our family has had a right-to-do for so long regarding Mark, without the issue of my sexuality needing to be the "straw that broke the camel's back." I don't know what repercussions this will have with everyone else and I really don't care ultimately as long as you are okay with your choice and don't feel forced into "needing" to do this for me, personally.
I'm also saying thank you for loving me so much that you would and always have chosen to love me more than anyone else regardless of how much those other people may have ever meant to you. I would not be sad, but I am because it was brought to such extremes, and I'm sad not for me, but for you... I shouldn't be the problem that you have with your sister... and I feel that I have become that. Mark and Laura's lives are as much theirs to live as they see fit and their opinions don't have to be the same as ours for us to love them. Tolerance can never be gained in full by alienating those who think differently.
On the subject of Laura herself, I don't think she shares Mark's outrageous and often far fetched prejudices, but she is responsible for allowing him to make her live by them. Sometimes its so hard to see a light at the end of a very long dark tunnel especially if that tunnel is one you've been lost in for a lifetime. Our extended family has many dark moments and many bright ones too... but to really let someone go is very serious and very unfortunate if its over the comments of someone else who is renowned for his distasteful bantering and behavior. I know you love your sister and please dont' let her go because of me... I'll always be here for you and you are always here for me regardless of what anyone else thinks of me. Hope and love are hard enough to find in life, so when you have those feelings for someone, however lost he or she may seem, don't let it be defeated by one moment or one sentence said in bad taste.
I love you dearly and support your decisions and will always be here for you and I am very proud to have a mother who loves me so unconditionally. Whatever life may bring, I will always be your biggest fan.
Love Always,
Enoch
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